Newton's Law of holidays

Laws Of Life

• Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
• Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
• The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
• Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
• First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.
• Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.
• Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
• The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
• Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot

Funny Universal Laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
6. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
7. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
8. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
9. Law of Bio-mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10. Law of the Theater or sports Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
11. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
12. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
13. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
15. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
16. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
17. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
18. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
9. The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard. 

Murphy's Technology Laws

1. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
2. Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
3. Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
4. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
5. The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
6. The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
7. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
8. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
9. All's well that ends.
10. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
11. The first myth of management is that it exists.
12. A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
13. New systems generate new problems.
14. To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
15. A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
    

Universal Laws

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, you boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs and Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpeting.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog
8. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
10. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
11. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
12. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
13. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Newtons Laws On Love

Universal law: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can transfer from
one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.

First law: A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.

Second law: The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.

Third law: The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals!