10 Years Can Make A Lot Of Difference

Troubled Computer User

Dear Techical Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User

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Is Computer Male Or Femal ?

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, 'What gender is a computer?'

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was made up of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you might have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Understanding Computers

Can't Live Without My Laptop

Yeh same goes for me too

Only If Life Was A Computer

1. If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!
2. To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
3. If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".
4. Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.
5. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
6. To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
7. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
8. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
9. When you lose your car keys, click on "find".
10. "Help" with the chores is just a click away.
11. You'd use your diskette to recover from a crash.
12. We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.
13. To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".
14. Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.
15. To undo a mistake, click on "back".
16. Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".
17. If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

Super Computer That Knows More Than You Know

The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.

"This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".

At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.

"Where is my father?" he asked.

There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.

On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa.

Clever Guest laughed.

"Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!

It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"

Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Goa."

Are Computers Male or Female?

A foreign language teacher was explaining to her class that, unlike their English counterparts, French nouns are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

Things like ‘chalk’ or ‘pencil,’ she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Confused, one student raised his hand and asked, “What gender is a computer?”

The French teacher wasn’t sure which gender it was, so she ivided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories.

Booting Up Your PC

Literally..

You Are A Net Addict If

1. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop by to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
2. You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3 or higher."
3. You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Pegasus.
4. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the life support on a loved one.
5. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment.
6. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
7. You laugh at people with 33.6k modems.
8. You find yourself typing com after every period when using a word processor.com
9. You start introducing yourself as "JSmith874 at AOL dot com."
10. All of your friends have an @ in their names.
11. Five of your BT Friends and Family numbers are modems.
12. Your cat has its own home page.
13. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
14. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

Before Computer Was Invented

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Technology

Can't Live Without My Computer

I feel the same way for my laptop :)