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This Valentine : Be Irresistable To Women

Date Sheet For This Valentine

Valentine's Day Is Cancelled

Valentine’s Day Jokes

February 14th is right around the corner, which means it's time for a few misguided Valentine's Day Jokes to poke fun at the day Cupid makes his rounds poking people in the butt with painful arrows and such. Rather than bore you with a bunch of babbling, we'll get right to the funny jokes.


Top 5 Valentine (Or Love / Marriage) Quotes

1. "The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead." ~Ann Landers
2. "I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." ~David Bissonnette
3. "It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week." ~Laurence J. Peter
4. "Women are cursed, and men are the proof." ~Rosanne Barr
5. "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house." ~Groucho Marx

Top 5 (Lame) Question and Answer Valentine Jokes

Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe!

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you!

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

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Planning to propose to Girl this Valentines Day - be careful. Go Prepared :)

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I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

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Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

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I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face 

Continue Reading More such deadly rhyme

Rhyme Not To Be Used On Valentines Day

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

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Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

---

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

Continue Reading More such deadly rhyme

Miserable Facts About Valentine's Day

1. In the two week period leading up to Valentine’s Day, American sales of gold jewelry lead to 34 million metric tons of waste.
2. The vast majority of roses sold for Valentine’s Day in the U.S. are imported from South America, wasting fossil fuels.
3. Valentine’s Day traces its roots to an ancient pagan holiday called Lupercalia, in which men stripped naked, grabbed whips, and spanked young women in hopes of increasing their fertility.
4. The Christian martyr St. Valentine was beheaded on February 14 for performing marriages in secret.
5. Research suggests that 75 percent of suicide attempts are attributable to relationship problems.
6. 46 percent of Americans will exchange Valentine’s Day candy.
7. 67 percent of Americans are overweight or obese.
8. The first Valentine’s Day card was sent by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. He remained a prisoner of war for the next twenty-four years.
9. A recent poll found that one in ten young adults admitted to feeling lonely, insecure, depressed, or unwanted on Valentine’s Day. And that’s just the ones that admitted it.
10. Forty percent of people have negative feelings towards Valentine’s Day.
11. The famous St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, in which seven Chicago gangsters were gunned down on February 14, 1929, was one of the bloodiest in mob history.
    
12. 64 percent of American men do not make Valentine’s Day plans in advance.
13. Candy hearts taste like crap.
14. Even if you’re really, really in love right now, you’re still going to die eventually.

Valentine’s Day Jokes

February 14th is right around the corner, which means it's time for a few misguided Valentine's Day Jokes to poke fun at the day Cupid makes his rounds poking people in the butt with painful arrows and such. Rather than bore you with a bunch of babbling, we'll get right to the funny jokes.

Top 5 Valentine (Or Love / Marriage) Quotes

1. "The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead." ~Ann Landers
2. "I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." ~David Bissonnette
3. "It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week." ~Laurence J. Peter
4. "Women are cursed, and men are the proof." ~Rosanne Barr
5. "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house." ~Groucho Marx

Top 5 (Lame) Question and Answer Valentine Jokes

Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe!

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you!

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.