Sarcastic One Liners

1. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
2. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
3. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
4. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
5. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
6. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
7. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
8. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
9. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
10. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
11. A woman’s favorite position is CEO.
12. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
13. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
14. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
15. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?
16. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
17. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
18. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I’m wrong.
19. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
20. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
21. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
22. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
23. If At First You Don’t Succeed, Blame Someone Else And SeekCounseling.
24. You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.