Things You'd Like To Say At Work, But Can't

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. How about never? Is never good for you?
3. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
4. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
5. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
6. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
7. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
8. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
9. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
10. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
11. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
12. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
13. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
14. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
15. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
17. Do I look like a people person?
18. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
19. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
20. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
21. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
22. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
23. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
24. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
25. Chaos, panic, and disorder -- my work here is done.