Good Things About Getting Older

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
4. People call at 9:00 p.m. and don't think it's strange to ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out!
8. You can live without sex (but not your glasses).
9. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
10. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
11. Your eyes won't get much worse.
12. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
13. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
14. Your secrets are safe with your friends (because they can't remember them either).
15. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.