Marital Humor

Wife: ’What are you doing?’
Husband: ’Nothing’.
Wife: ’Nothing..? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for over an hour!!’
Husband: ‘I was looking for the expiration date.’

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Wife : ‘Do you want dinner?’
Husband: ‘Sure! What are my choices?’
Wife: ‘Yes or no.’

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Wife: ‘You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?’
Hubby: ‘When there is a problem, no matter how great it is, I look at your picture and the problem simply disappears.’
Wife: ‘You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?’

Hubby: ‘Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?’

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Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden.’
Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’
Girl: ‘Well, that’s because we aren’t married yet.’

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Son: ‘Mommie, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to be polite and give up my seat to a lady.’
Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’
Son: ‘But mommie, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’

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A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me that fortune?’

‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU THAT FORTUNE!’

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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.

The guy replies: ‘Thanks for the early warning.’

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A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my cooking, my
pretty face ……or my sexy body?’

He looked at her from head to toe, smiled, and replied:
‘Well …….I REALLY like your sense of humor!’