Essential Tips For New Parents

1. Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.
2. Children will soon forget your presents, they will always remember your presence.
3. Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
4. They say kids brighten the home. That’s because they never turn the damn lights off.
5. Give your children two things. One is roots, the other, wings.
6. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the drive before it has stopped snowing.
7. There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it.
8. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
9. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
10. You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.
11. Anyone who says ‘Easy as taking candy from a baby’ has never tried it.
12. Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
13. The best gift parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.