Tortured By Telemarketer - Fight Back

If you feel being tortured by telemarketers try following tips the next time they call.

- Ask them if they've got beer

- Start speaking in tongues

- Tell them that person doesn't live there anymore. Give them the number of an adult service and tell them that it is her/his new number

- Tell them that you're not there right now

- Ask them if they accept coupons

- Start selling them something else

- If someone calls soliciting donations, tell them you're poor and ask for money instead

- Start preaching your religion to them

- Pretend you're a recording and say "The number you have reached is not in service. Please check the number and dial again, or talk to your operator for assistance. Recording A4." Extra points for imitating the 3 rising tones at the beginning.

- Try to hypnotize the telemarketer

- Play a recording of a busy signal

- Put on some really annoying music and put the phone up to the stereo.

- Ask the telemarketer if he/she is single. Then try hitting on him/her. Be sure to mention your various medical problems, your fascination with odd smells and your shrine to the Lawrence Welk Show.

- Use one of those voice changers to disguise your

- Ask the TM if he/she minds if you talk to him/her on the toilet. Then take a plastic Heinz ketchup bottle and squeeze out ketchup repeatedly (if you're ever used this kind of ketchup you'll know what kind of sound this makes!!!!!)