Alcoholic Wisdom

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
~Frank Sinatra

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The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
~William Butler Yeats

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An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
~Ernest Hemingway

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Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.
~Anonymous

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
~Catherine Zandonella

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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
-Ambrose Bierce

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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
-Anonymous

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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
~W.C. Fields

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Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
~Anonymous

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Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
~Oscar Wilde

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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
~Henny Youngman

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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
~-Anonymous

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24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
~Stephen Wright

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When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
~Brian O'Rourke

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Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
~Winston Churchill

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He was a wise man who invented beer.
~Plato

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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
~Benjamin Franklin

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Withou question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
~Dave Barry

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The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
~Humphrey Bogart

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Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
~David Moulton

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Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
~Kaiser Wilhelm

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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
~Dave Barry

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I drink to make other people interesting.
~George Jean Nathan

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Alcohol may cause a few of the worlds' problems, but in the end it solves them all
~Homer Simpson