Funny One Liners

• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your old age home.
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• All men are idiots, and I married their King.
• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
• Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
• Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
• Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.